Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Roberto's Spin-Off Thanksgiving

Roberto's is a chain of authentic Mexican
"taco stands" here in San Diego. There are also spin-offs of the Roberto's chain such as Alberto's, Humberto's, Aiberto's and on. This thanksgiving most everyone we know is either deployed, or going away for Thanksgiving, so instead of the huge Thanksgiving spread we put out every year, this year we just got involved with house projects. We re-painted one of the bedrooms (that Grant will be moving into), fixed the sump pump, stripped a bedroom door, ran electrical to two new outlets, built a shelving unit, ran telephone lines, coax cables, hung a TV, and re-routed computer lines. By the time we were hungry for food the only place we could think of that might be open was Roberto's. Of course it wasn't but one of the spin-offs, Aiberto's was. So three carne asada burritos to go later, it was time to eat and think of all the things we had to be thankful for.
Last year we had a house full of people including AJ (who is now in Iraq), AJ's mom from Prague and her good friends from London who now live in San Diego, John's mom and grandpa, my friend John Williamson who lost his mom the previous Thanksgiving, Donna who's family is in Canada, and various friends who have no family. It really was a wonderful Thanksgiving and quite different from this one. We still had lots to thankful for however. Everyone is still fine that was at last years Thanksgiving though many are very far away and in harms way. We have a home (though 80 years old) and jobs and loved ones. The fires are over for now and no one we know was injured or killed. We have the basics and we have love. What more could you ask for. Happy Thanksgiving 2007.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Halloween 2007

It was the October 30th and we were all really tired. It is an effort to breathe here with all the smoke still in the air. It just tires you out. None of us felt like putting all the effort into our "Spooky House" decorating, but...

A couple of years ago I went back to Texas to help rebuild after hurricane Katrina hit them hard. I did not get to set up "Spooky House" that year and we got trick-or-treaters that sadly asked "where is Spooky House?"

I just think that there are a lot of displaced people here in our little area and those parents will not want to disappoint their children by not having Halloween. So it is up to the rest of us who don't live in those burned out communities to pick up the slack and put on a great show. And that is exactly what we did. We put on a "Spooky House" to rival the best! The front yard became a graveyard with 3ft to 5ft tombstones. Strobe lights, glowing bones, red and blue lighting, 3 fog machines, black lights, pumpkins, two sound effects areas, 3,000 watt lightening, scary clowns with chainsaws, and lots of great candy. All in all it was a great night!

Monday, October 29, 2007


The big dinner in the backyard scheduled for last Friday was cancelled due to the wildfires. It was just to weird to do a big party while 1/5th of San Diego had been evacuated and fires still threatened communities. All of the San Diego Schools were closed for the week. People are calling to see if we have room to stay at our house while they are evacuated. We are calling others to offer our home. It is hard to get your mind around the statistics and the size of this thing. 560,000 people evacuated, more than 350,000 acres burned, 1,500 homes destroyed (not to mention business, commercial buildings & out buildings). We are literally talking walls of fire 50 feet high and up to 5 miles long as a front. So far only 9 deaths from a fire of this size. It is amazing!
No one is celebrating much of anything here. The fires literally put a damper on everything. Halloween celebrations in Hillcrest were downsized to very little on Oct 27th (Saturday). On the 28th the Chargers played the Texans at Qualcom to a nearly sold out crowd. San Diegans were willing to tell the country we support not only our team but also our city. So though it was smoky and subdued it was packed. Buckets were located at every gate for disaster relief and everyone was giving cash. We may be a little singed but we help each other in times of trouble. I am so proud of my city.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

W and wildfires...

Horno, Coronado Hills, Rice Canyon, McCoy, Descanso, Poomacha, Witch Creek, and Harris. These are all names of fires in San Diego county this week that have destroyed over 350,000 acres, over 1,800 homes, more than 560,000 people evacuated (thats 1 out of 5 of the total population). Fires started last Saturday Oct 20th and as of today there has only been 10% containment. So far at least 9 are dead and hundreds of people hospitalized from smoke inhalation and respiratory problems.

The last time we had a fire season close to this bad was the Cedar Fires in 2003 promting president Bush to enact the "Healthy Forrest Act" which basically gave away our forrests to logging, which puts more sunlight on the ground and more moisture in the ground which grows more brush so we can have bigger wildfires. His wonderful new act that he claimed would eliminate wildfires has made his friends richer, and given us larger wildfires. Thank you for your lies Mr. President. Thanks W, for making our lives less safe on all fronts, foriegn and domestic.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Ten and counting…

It is ten days until the barbeque. Tables, chairs, tablecloths, glasses, napkins, and everything for the event except the food itself is on order. I estimate this barbeque will cost me between $1,200 and $1,400 dollars. I have been pretty anxious about this one since it is an outdoor event. My last planned outdoor event (a formal retirement dinner) was rained out. This time there is no bringing it indoors. The retirement dinner was for 20 people. When the rain came we moved the furniture out of the living room and dinning room and held it indoors. There is no way we can fit 30 people in the house for a sit down dinner. This event HAS TO HAPPEN OUTSIDE!
The weather channel is saying clear and sunny for the next nine days but on Barbeque Day, 40% chance of rain. I am now trying to figure out how to tent the entire back yard!!! What a pain!!!
OK, so instead of 30 people sitting down all at once it is now going to be more like an "eat when you feel like it. I will have two tables set up for six people each with the stone barbeque between both tables. There will be about a 3 time turnover on these tables to have 30 people eat. However, instead of building a huge tent over the backyard, I will be building a redwood roof over the side yard this weekend.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Off to war... again

AJ and Little Jon are off to Iraq, again. They say it's for 7-9 months but I suspect it will be for longer, again. They are with the 3/5 Dark Horse Marines.

It makes me sick to hear that our President vetos healthcare for American children and will spend trillions on a war for oil. I didn't vote for that son of a bitch even when I lived in Texas.

I think of AJ and Little John often durring the day and worry about their well being as do many of us who have friends and family there.

Come home Safe!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Korean Bar-B-Que

It started out as a reunion weekend for Det-3 Vets. A few people John knows from past Marine Corps times were coming into town for a reunion at a Chargers football game. It went from a tailgate party to "why not make it a Bar-B-Que." Then it became it's own monster.

It couldn't be just some bar-b-que, it had to be better. Not just burgers and dogs, and not quite full steak dinner. It had to be beef and pork and sauces and rich tastes... what could fit that bill? Korean Bar-B-Que of course! Slices of Rib-Eye steak and pork marinated in sauces of kiwi and chili paste and honey! And of course there had to be a Bar-B-Que at each table! You cook your own food at your table as you talk, eat and drink with friends. That is all part of the charm. You don't get up and wander over to one central grill and fill a plate and find a place to eat and get back up for drinks and wander around. With Korean Bar-B-Que everyone sits together for the entire meal. There is no need to get up and wander around, everything and everyone you need is right there in front of you.

We have a very nice back yard. It has a tropical feel to it with ferns, banana trees, palm trees, bird of paradise and redwood. There are overhead hanging lamps, and garden lighting. It is the perfect place for a sit down meal. So all I need to get is the sit down part... Tables and chairs and tablecloths and the list goes on... Did I mention the list? Not only is the list of thing to get growing but so is the list of atendees!!! The count today is 22 confirmed, and growing. Have you ever had a dinner for 22 people?

We have the backyard deck stained and sealed, all I have to do is about 3 days of yard work, get tables and chairs for about 30 people, and prepare all the food. This will be a night to remember, I hope for all the right reasons. I'll let you know how it goes.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Not a writer...

I don't know how some people do it. Writers can put out a column every day. How do they find so much to talk about!? I have trouble even writing once a week. I can cook every day, but write on a topic every day... well, I don't have that much to say I guess.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Barstow, CA

If you have ever been to Barstow in August you know the meaning of HOT! Even if there is a breeze it feels like it is coming out of an oven. We stopped for lunch at one of John's favorite fast-food places Taco Bell. Out of the window I could see a woman pushing a wheelchair up the hill toward the Taco Bell Parking lot. I thought the person in the wheelchair was maybe a cancer victim. The arms and legs were very thin and the person was pale and small. I thought maybe they were coming from one of the offices around the restaurant and had maybe parked at the bell for convenience. Then the woman stopped the wheel chair at one of the trash cans and started searching through it for cans and plastic bottles, which she put into a bag on the back of the chair. She then wheeled the chair over to another trashcan and that is when they were close enough for me to make out the boy in the chair. He looked about ten or eleven years old with clean white shorts. The boy looked clean and well cared for. As she wheeled him to the next trash can the boy flailed his arms to try to block out the glare of the sun and the hot wind blowing on them. Here was a woman taking care of this child while trying to raise some money. She took him wherever she went. I realized that love of a mother for her child that no matter what the circumstances, she would be there for him. I was floored. It was like someone had gut-punched me, I nearly sobbed right there. Something in that scene brought out such basic feelings in me of admiration and respect for that type of love that it nearly made me sob on the spot. I went to the counter and bought $20 in gift certificates. I tried to make john go give them to her but he insisted I do it. Just as she was going to come in the back door of the Taco Bell I opened the door for her and handed her the coupons. The little boys face lit up as he lifted his hands over his head and gave a clap. She thanked me and went right to the counter. On the way back to my table I did loose it. I sat and ate as tears streamed down my face. They got their meal to go and she was able to get the boy a sticker he wanted. He just seemed happy. They left and she pushed him up the hill and out of sight but not out of mind. I keep thinking about the woman and the boy and the love an devotion I saw. I don't think I will ever forget it.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


I recently took a 5 day vacation and a 3 day mini vacation. I got back and I felt like I needed a vacation from my vacation! I didn't seem to rest at all. I was out late every night though I did get to sleep in most mornings except for the morning I drove to and back from the vacation spot. On top of that I always feel I should be doing something and not just sitting around wasting good vacation time.

When I was 16 and in college I would work nights all school year, I would work half of the summer except for about 4-6 weeks. I would then take off for those 4-6 weeks and camp out all throughout the Sierra Nevada Mountains. It would take me two weeks to just wind down enough to be able to relax and enjoy the vacation. Those memories are my favorite of vacations. I would make an early dinner and clean it up then go sit besides a meadow and watch meteor storms in the night sky and totally relax. I would mountain bike a trail or visit a wilderness hot spring and let the troubles of life fade away. A full day of flyfishing with a nap on a warm rock mid-day was not unusual.

Nowadays I am so busy trying to "vacation" and get the most out of my one week a year that I am exhausted by the end of it. Europeans and Australians go on Holiday for a month or two. That is what we need. Americans have become so "productive" we can't relax. I miss real vacations.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


I had the strangest dream last night. I was swimming in a muddy river pretty far from the nearest road with some friends. It was a river that ran through brushy mesquite covered hills. I grabbed something underwater that I immediately recognized by feel.
I have picked up, put on, tied and re-tied my hiking boots millions of times over the years. Your boots are really the closest things to you when you hike for a living for years. Every step, every waking moment is spent in them and sometimes even when you sleep. There in my hand was the familiar feel of a leather hiking boot. I pulled on the boot and discovered that it was attached to a leg, in fact a body. I wasn't sure how much of a body because I couldn't see it in the muddy water. It was stuck in the mud so I tugged to free it from the silty bottom. I worked with the current to float it to the surface so I could see what I had found. I was yelling to my friend as to what I had found. The body broke the surface stronger than I though it would and it ended up splashing mud and blood all over him. He was not amused but my other friends laughed thinking it was a joke, then they saw the body floating. He was a white man about 30 years old with sandy colored shoulder length hair. He was fully clothed, levis, plaid shirt and melted nylon jacket. He looked like he had fallen onto a fire and his entire stomach area except for his spine was completely burned out. He hadn't been dead long, everything thing else on him was intact, not even his hair was burnt. My friend said we needed to carry the body out. We ended up putting his upper body in one large hefty trash back and his lower body in another. I carried the upper body and my brother carried the lower half for a little while. My brother has a bad back so I ended up carrying both bags. If you have ever carried a person over distance by yourself you know how hard it is. I was carrying him over some really tough boulder fields and up some pretty steep terrain. My legs burned. All I could think of was the family of this poor guy and how they deserved to have his body as intact as possible. It took us hours to get back to our van and I was exhausted by that time. We loaded the body into the van and took off to my station.
At the Forrest Service Headquarters I rolled up and met someone I worked with and said "I've recovered a body" to which he responded "oh no." I wasn't sure if he was sad I had recovered a body or about the paperwork involved to document it. We brought the body in and laid him out on a table in the garage bay. He looked so young with his shoulder length hair and blue eyes just looking out. I felt bad for his parents. When we went to move him into cold storage he blinked. I was startled and moved away, but I thought it was due to some involuntary muscle action, so I wasn't scared. When I moved in close to pick him up again his eyes suddenly turned to follow my every move. I got this very strange feeling that this was not some involuntary reaction but that he was really looking at me. I moved away and sideways but his eyes still followed mine. I moved in and picked him up and his eyes looked at me the entire time. As I put him into the walk-in cooler he kept looking into my eyes and would occasionally blink. I didn't know how to explain this so I just gently put him down and backed away. I was in the bay looking out a window at the surrounding forest when I heard one of the BLM girls say "he doesn't know, does he." I turned, "know what" I asked. That man you found killed several Apaches for sport. Some of the men in the tribe found him and killed him. Law enforcement has been looking for the body and the men who killed him since early this morning. I suddenly got the eerie feeling. I said "that's why the spirits picked me to find him, I'm Apache." I have been on body recovery many times before and have never felt weird about it. But right at that moment, I got the chills. This man, who had killed out of a hate burning inside his belly. The man who the Apache killed by burning the hate out of him. The man who watched me pick him up even after he was dead. It all seemed to fit together but why or how I didn't know.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

American Dream

This week has been a rollercoaster emotionally. A job came up that I thought I might be qualified for and it paid really well. I mean REALLY WELL. If I got this job, in two years I could retire with the bills, cars, house upgrades and the house paid off. On the other hand I would be stationed with the Army in the field in Iraq. The threat of death or dismemberment was pretty real too. I did my first interview and though I had a lot of the requirements for the job, I was lacking in the area of hands on electronics maintenance. I really was pretty disappointed.

When I was growing up my Dad worked and my mom didn't. They bought a house with a 20 year low fixed rate mortgage and were able to pay it off, pay for whole family health insurance, have two cars, put money aside, and retire while they had a few years left. The California Native Americans that lived here in San Diego worked 2 hours a day to maintain their lifestyle. We work at least 4 times that just to maintain ours. I guess the new American Dream is both partners need to work at least full time, 50 weeks a year till they drop dead.

I started working when I was 11 years old. I have never had a real high-paying job even though I have a Bachelors degree and two Associates degrees. The only job that paid well was a construction job working in a radioactive, toxic environment. I have never been able to put money aside for retirement so I guess I will work till I leave this earth, and still not have the house paid off.

Today, compared to our parents or past generations, we work more, we live more crowdedly, we pay more for less health care, and our environment and natural resources are still diminishing. It just doesn't seem to me like the "Good Life" of that "American Dream" is progressing.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007


What the people believe, is true.

I watch a lot of History Channel. It has always seemed strange at how much history changes depending on who is telling it. It not only changes from culture to culture but generation to generation too. Depending on the perspective, one side of the story can go from wrong to right or victim to aggressor. We seem to take what the historians of our time tell us, like we are hearing the one and only truth.

Everyday we are bombarded with data that we need to make decisions on. This phone company has this coverage at this rate, another has a cheaper rate but the coverage is also less. Different gas stations sell gas at different prices on any said day. Projects, commitments, appointments are ever changing and shifting. Interest rates rise and fall as does inflation. Our money grows stronger or weaker. Brittany Spears shaved her head. Information is thrown at us and we have to decide if it is useless or useful and then chose to act or not act on it. I think people just get tired of filtering, deciding, changing, re-thinking so they go with the easiest route they can when it comes to the big questions. They depend on others to tell them what to think. History, religion, social values all tend to be left up to others as to what is right and wrong. Nobody is looking for truth, just status quo. Democracy rules judgment and values. Whatever is most popular now is what we believe because we don't have to think about it for ourselves. What a shame.

The one who tells the stories rules the world.

Friday, August 3, 2007


When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
Cherokee Proverb
I love the old Native American proverbs. There is really nothing more to add to this.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Saving Grace

There is a new TV show out and I hope it stays good. It's called "Saving Grace" on TNT. So far there is "Grace Hanadarko" (Holly Hunter) who is this Godless, self centered, hedonistic cop who is "doomed for hell," and this chew spitting angel named "Earl" (Leon Rippy) who is supposed to save her. The show got me thinking, as all good shows do. What is it that I would ask God?

I do believe in God. I don't think the chances for life anywhere could exist without a lot of help. The right environment, the right time, the right place for life to begin and then be nurtured to evolve into a complex system of living interacting cohesive living organisms is just to complex for chance. Take apart a clock piece by piece until all you have are all the correct disassembled pieces then put it into a shoe box. Now the chances for all those pieces to naturally somehow come together in one place at one time is mind boggling. So you have all the makings for a clock in one place but you still do not have a working clock. Next you tape the lid shut and you shake that shoe box for as long as you want and then open it to see if there is a complete assembled working clock inside. Ok you've only tried once. Try it again and again and again and again. What are the chances that there will ever be a complete working clock? I don't know that there would ever be a clock without someone who knew what they were doing putting the clock together. So to me there must be a God to have life even exist. It's all that makes sense to me.

Anyway, I was just wondering what questions I would ask God. I know I would ask why is there disease, death, suffering and greed. I think I would ask him why he didn’t come up with a better plan for life. I would ask why he doesn’t intercede when thing go horribly wrong? I would ask him why there are flies, cockroaches and mosquitoes? I hate those things. Why did he make hate so easy and love so hard? I would ask why he doesn’t stop religion and promote godliness. There are so many things I would ask. What would you ask?

Friday, July 27, 2007


Acquaintances, Friends, Fair-Weather-Friends, Good-Friends, Best-Friends, Life-Long-Friends. There are lots of categories of “friends” because there are lots of reasons or circumstances why people jump to another category of friendship or stop being friends.

For me there are only two categories, “friends” (the life-long type) or “acquaintances” (everyone else). I don’t put a lot of stock in the “everyone else” category. I don’t expect they will call me to “hang out” or remember my birthday or even be around next year. On the other hand I expect them to feel the same way about me. However if they do show up at the house I will feed them, buy them a drink at the bar, or chat occasionally with them. But I don’t expect they will be there begging to help me move (a true sign of a Life-Long-Friend) or have me as a necessary part of their life. In keeping with this point of view on friendship, people don’t disappoint me. If one of my "acquaintances" gets a boyfriend or girlfriend they may drop off the face of the planet and I won’t hear from them until they break up or get thrown out of the house. Life-Long-Friends don’t abandon you because they have someone more interesting or who is jealous of their time or who puts out.

Life-Long-Friends help you and care about you no matter what or for how long. They keep in touch. They find out when you need help and they offer to help or just plain show up. They are involved with your life. I am talking a two way street here. You do the same for them.


This weekend the hotels are sold out, the Gas Lamp district is crawling with Lord of the Rings and Star Wars characters! You could say Halloween has come early this year, but no, it's ComiCon. People dress up in their favorite comic book character super-hero outfit and go to the convention center where vendors are set up to sell you super-hero paraphernalia, posters, video games, and of course comic books and magazines. I guess if you're you are bored with your own life you can always pretend to have some world saving hero life. And you have to pay through the nose for these pretend lives. One VIP pass for one day is $150. Someone is making some serious money on this stuff! I guess people really are that bored. Well at least it's entertaining for those of us who work downtown.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


I have had a lot of jobs and none really are perfect. My best job was being as a Wilderness Ranger in the Sierra Nevada in the Toiyabe National Forrest in the Hoover Wilderness. It was so beautiful. I worked spotting fires, fixing trails, removing debris cause by avalanche, checking wilderness and hunting permits, search and rescue, and of course trash removal. The job itself was daunting covering 149,000 acres (75 square miles) alone. But just being there was wonderful. It was actually quite lonely. I would be alone for long periods of time, sometimes months. It was very low pay with no medical coverage. The conditions were also not the best in that I could only eat dried or canned food. There was no way to keep fresh food. There was no electricity, no refrigeration, no running water, and no motors were allowed. No motors means all cutting of wood had to be done by hand saw or axe. It was a lot of hard work but it was so incredibly beautiful.

Since then I have had better paying jobs, with medical, but have not liked any of them. It always seems like a trade off. You either love the job you have and get paid nothing for it or hate the job and make an actual living at it.

Working out is such a pain

I don't care what anyone says, it is so much easier to just not work out. You don't have to get up at dark-thirty and go down to the gym, or you don't have to force yourself to work out after work. You don't have to have sore, achey muscles. You can just go home and sit on the couch and watch mindless TV, or just nap. Yes it's much easier to just NOT workout.
So four times a week, every time, I have to force myself to go to the gym. It's easier not to go, but if I don't go eventually I end up disgusting myself when I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror. When I lived in Texas I hardly worked out and I was not happy with myself. The instant gratification of not working out was great everyday, but the view in the mirror was totally depressing. So I have learned that there are so many things I hate doing that still have to do if I want to have a good life. I don't have to do laundry but then there is nothing to wear if I don't. I don’t have to clean the bathrooms, but then they become so disgusting I hate using them. If I don't try to clean the house, then I live in a pig sty. If I don't workout then I have to live with the body I get instead live with the body I am working towards. I still hate going every time, but I go.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Tribal Son

We stopped by their booth at the Pride Festival and saw this gorgeous piece. Peter (who made the piece) explained it as "KHAN, Talisman worn only by the fiercest warriors. Inspired by the legendary Genghis Khan, It is fearless and driven to victory. Made of Solid Sterling Silver." I tried it on and it looked really good. John said, "do you want it?" I thought for a moment, weighed it out in my mind and said "yes, I do." I rarely buy things unless it's food. I don't like things that are mass produced and cheaply made. This was something hand crafted of good material and fine quality. Above all, it looked good on me. This really means something to me and always will. It is something like me and it was a gift from my one true love on a very proud day. I will wear this with pride and much love. It doesn't hurt that I do look fierce in this!

Courtesy isn't common

I've always heard the terms Common Sense and Common Courtesy. I've always thought everyone had them since they are "common." I'm finding it less and less common. It always bothers me when I go to the gym and people seem to be able to open a locker door, get undressed and into their gym clothes, workout, shower, get re-dressed and then can't close the locker door when they leave. They just leave it open unlike how they found it expecting that "the help" will come by and close it. Sometimes they just leave their towel on the ground instead of putting it in the used towel container. I think they still feel like their mother is still following them around picking up after them. Don't even get me started on re-racking your weights where they belong. People think that if they pay their gym membership someone else can hunt for the weights.

I am always amazed when you are at a table at a bars with friends and someone just comes up and puts an empty beer or glass on your table and walk away. The bar may be the same distance away from them but they expect that their trash belongs on your table where you can deal with it. I usually hand it back to them and direct them to the bar.

I was at my local bar this week when someone slammed into me smashing me into my table squeezing by. I instantly recovered and smashed back. I said you don't just smash into people, you say "excuse me" first and people will usually make room for you to get by. He said "Is that really necessary?" I said "no, not if you are an asshole."

There are a myriad of these type of actions people do to other people because they think they are the only person on the planet that matters. You know what I mean. That person on the phone who almost crashes into your car when they change into your lane without looking, without signaling or without getting a clue. Or the person who misses their turn on a busy street and decides to back up oblivious to the people they are blocking. Or the person in the passing lane who must think this is the lane where everyone passes you. Common courtesy seems to be dying very quickly.

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Gay pride is coming up in San Diego which made me start thinking about "GAY" pride.

When you say the word “GAY” what comes to mind? What do you see on TV when they cover a Pride Parade? How does TV usually portray gay men? The image that gays are portrayed as are “drag queens” or “flaming bitter queers” or "swishy feminine acting fags" or anything other than a masculine, strong, man. To me, it is demeaning. Gay men are portrayed as men, acting like or who want to live like women, and that is not what all gay men are.

I am a man. I love rare steaks off the grill, my built Jeep 4x4, weightlifting, beer & tequila, skydiving, downhill skiing, guys bars, levis, working on my house and yard, roughing it, the 300, and other real men. I am not limp-wristed, do not speak with a lisp, do not wear women’s clothes, am not feminine, not flaming, not afraid to get dirty or break a nail, and not considered to be feminine. I don’t like Karaoke or "show-tunes" or musical productions. I don’t swish when I walk. I am comfortable with my gender and enjoy other men who feel the same.

I don't care if you like wearing six foot high wigs and seaquined dresses and look like Divine. Just don't tell me that that is what being gay is all about.

I also hate the term "straight acting." What does that mean? If you don't act effeminate then your not acting gay? Does it mean your a man who acts like a man who likes pussy? It seems like feminine, swishy, drag queen stereotype has been forced on us to sum up all that is gay.

If I wanted to be with or date a person who is feminine, and soft and limp-wristed, I would be with a woman. That is why the stereotype “gay” does not fit me. I am a homosexual man, not straight acting, just a real man.


Right now there is this whole big thing on CNN & CSPAN on dog fighting and how cruel it is. An NFL player, Atlanta Falcons quarterback Vick, is accused of organizing dog fights and killing dogs in inhumane ways.

It seems it is ok to put an animal down like a horse if it breaks it's leg and will not heal. If an animal’s quality of life is not good enough to live we will humanely and mercifully put it down. Even if the animal can not tell us that is what it wants, we determine that for them. We are perfectly fine with putting these animals “to sleep” if their quality of life will not be good or they have no hope of living or are in too much pain.

Now, why is it that we can not give our fellow human beings, who can determine for themselves, if their quality of life is worth or not worth living, the same right? Why must we say human life is so sacred that it must be lived out to the last natural or un-natural, life supported second, no matter how much the pain or or how horrible that quality of life is? Why don't we respect human life as much as we respect animal life? Why can't we be merciful and humane to our fellow human beings?

Friday, July 13, 2007


Have you ever noticed how many people around you are talking on cell phones or are in chat rooms on their computers or blackberries or texting other people or getting texted or watching a movie in their car or playing a video game or otherwise just totally oblivious to where they are and who they are with?
Why is the urge to constantly talk to someone who is not with you so irresistible? Are people really that uncomfortable with what they are doing, or who they are with, that they have to float off to an electronic never-never land? Is it just an extension of the TV generations, where people no longer had to live where they are, they just turn on the boob-tube and float away? Is escapism really the ultimate reality?

Don't you find it just a little weird?

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


For years I roamed around the Sierra Nevada Mountains mainly on my motor cycle (which could not carry much) or in my GTO (which couldn’t off-road). I always dreamed about getting something I could just drive onto BLM land (completely self contained) off-road and just get "lost." Not seeing anyone and being surrounded by that incredible scenery and water is just so irresistible to me. Woofy is set for that. Woofy is the name of my Jeep Wrangler Sahara.
Now that I am locked into a mortgage, a 5 day a week job, and upkeep of a home and pets, getting away for a month at a time is no longer a possibility. I can’t just get up and go fly-fishing and camping in the backcountry when the weather is right anymore. But with my new Jeep I know I could if I really need to. There is a sense of freedom even though it is not really real. Just driving the thing makes me feel like I can go where ever I want when ever I want. I think that’s the reason people get vehicles. It’s more of an identity of who you are (or what you want to be), rather than what you are.
So for now I settle for the occasional 4 day get away now and then. But if I really wanted to...


It seems to me that there is very little on TV that I like to watch. I really got involved watching "Over There." It was a show about the soldiers in Iraq and their home lives. It was well written, well acted, intelligent and of course... canceled. "Jack & Bobby" was another show about a future president’s life growing up. The acting was incredible, the writing was superb and the show was canceled.
Lately I had fallen in love with "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." It takes place behind the scenes of a fictional live sketch comedy show with cameos by such well-knows as Sting. The show is executive produced-directed by Thomas Schlamme, (Emmy Award-winner for “The West Wing”) and the Emmy Award-winning executive producer-writer (NBC's "The West Wing") Aaron Sorkin. It is a show that makes you think, question, deal with real issues and feel emotion. Of course it is cancelled. People prefer fart jokes, inane language and T&A. I get the feeling IQ's have seriously dropped over the last couple of decades in America. To me that is both sad and dangerous. Another place where IQ points have seriously dropped... the white house.

Monday, July 9, 2007

The News

I remember when the news was Walter Cronkite, Dan Rather, Peter Jennings... I remeber when important news was just that. When truth seemed more important than entertainment. Today I don't even try to watch fox news or for that matter even CNN. When gossip is called news for the purpose of shock or entertainment in the effort to boost ratings, news falls by the wayside. Do newsmen and anchors know we are still at war? I don't see it or hear about it anymore because it just doesn't get ratings. Instead I hear about who Britany Spears is screwing this week (like that matters in anyones life some how). "Is your dog phychic? News at 11" was the actual blurb I heard to get me to wath late night news. Tabloid gossip is what is now considered to be newsworthy. Why has this happened? Advertising. If more people watch a program they networks can charge more for advertising. The way to get more people to watch is by putting more coverage on things they want to watch like the chance to get a shot of Janet Jacksons tits. T&A is what America wants to see and that means advertising dollars. So the real stories of soldiers, marines and sailors who's families are being ripped apart by a war does'nt even get aired, but coverage of some spoiled brats "star" tits get the main focus. It seems you have to watch the BBC or the news in other countries to find out the real news here at home. What a shame people watch this scheit and give it any validity at all.


After more than half a century I am starting to believe that my life is quite different than the average persons. Things I thought everybody had done...Gone backpacking in a wilderness for at least one week a year.Done some daring sport on a regular basis like rockclimbing, iceclimbing, or something close. Just writing these things down, feels like no big thing.

I grew up attracted to the water and to wilderness like most no one else in my family. I would drag my little brother along whenever I could so of course he was doing the same things too. I started SCUBA diving when I was 13 with my first check out dive with a Killer Whale at the Coronodo Islands in Mexico. I started backpacking at age 11.

I started working when I was 11 years old. My first job was digging ditches for water and sewer lines. The first thing I learned to drive was a back-hoe. I worked laying water, sewer and cable TV lines. I worked on concrete crews pouring slabs and walls for tilt-up buildings all the way up to pouring the concrete footings, walls, and containments for Nuclear Power Plants. I've done commercials electrical work. I've done some framing and drywall. I can do plumbing. Most of my teens through early 30's were spent doing hard labor or on adventures in the wilderness.

I became a mountain guide, taught Rock Climbing, Ice Climbing, Orienteering, Survival Classes, Wilderness photography and Backpacking. I worked for the Forest Service as a Wilderness Ranger in the Hoover Wilderness in the Toiyabe National Forest. I packed horses for the Forest Service, did Search and Rescue, fought fires and maintained trails. I lived alone in a 149,000 acre (75 square mile) area of the wilderness. I have climbed many peaks and monoliths such as El Capitan and Half Dome. I have been face to face with bears in the wild. I ran a sucessful program for Orange County which was modeled after Outward Bound" in which we took up to 10 inner-city youths (in trouble with the juvenile justice system) and put them through a high mountain, 100-120 mile course teaching personal and group coping skills, orienteering skills, rock climbing skills, and survival skills. Their coping skills improved and their trouble with law enforcement vanished.

I also went to a protestant university and majored in Psychology, Biblical Studies and Outdoor Education. I volunteered as a counselor at a suicide prevention hot-line nights while going to school. I was very involved in the Southern Baptist Church and then the Dutch Reform Church before giving up on religion all together. I did not give up my faith, just my faith in religion. I was a volunteer fireman in Temecula while living and working there.

If all this sounds normal, that's exactly what I thought. But people keep telling me this is not normal, that this is some how brave or exemplary. It all just seems normal to me.


I never thought I would start a BLOG. I'm just not that verbal. I'm opinionated, stubborn, hard-headed but just not that interested in voicing my views. But lately I think I am changing because of the last six years of bullshit at the top of our government... one I did not vote for. There has been to much outrage and not enough activism. We should all be screaming at what our government has shoved down our throats or bald faced lied to us about.

I really don't know if anyone will be interested in what I wrie here and I don't really care. I am not telling anyone about this site yet.